Monday, June 12, 2006

God


Yeah that's right, that guy.

The explanation behind it couldn't be simpler. I've even taken the courtesy to outline it in a bulleted list.

Here is how God is destroying America.


  1. God created the big bang
  2. The big bang created an abundance of Hydrogen, fueling basic nuclear fusion in the earliest stars
  3. Once the stars converted most of the hydrogen into heavier atoms, fusion could no longer be sustained and the star exploded, becoming a supernova (or nova or hypernova), expelling these heavier atoms and fueling new stars
  4. Eventually enough Helium and Hydrogen collected and created our sun which created our solar system
  5. The heavy Hydrogen byproducts, deuterium and tritium combined during the nuclear fusion in our sun to release energy in many wavelengths.
  6. The infrared energy released by the sun arrived on Earth at the Equator off the coast of Africa, heating up the surface of the ocean
  7. Water temperatures of at least 26.5 °C (80°F) down to a depth of at least 50 m (150 feet) were created. Waters of this temperature caused the overlying atmosphere to be unstable enough to sustain convection and thunderstorms.
  8. As the air rised there was a rapid cooling with height. This allowed the release of latent heat, which is the source of energy in a tropical cyclone.
  9. The resulting tropical depression made its way across the Atlantic, arriving in the Caribbean and turning into a tropical storm and then a hurricane in the Gulf of America (a.k.a. the Gulf of Mexico, but what have they done with it lately?).
  10. When the hurricanes reached the Louisana coast (as Katrina and Wilma) they wreak havoc on the infrastructure of a city built below sea level and not equipped to weather anything approaching a class 3 hurricane.
  11. The destruction exacted on the city causes the US government to divert spending (they drug their feet about it, but eventually did) from high priority terrorist targets in Kentucky.
  12. The money diverted to New Orleans leaves the nations burbon stills unguarded and tempting targets for burbon-hating terrorists.
  13. As the result of such strikes the burbon supply is extinguished thus leaving the nation unable to create mint juleps
  14. The resulting mint overstock rots and growers drastically cut back on their production of mint
  15. This results in a deficiency of mint with which to create chewing gum
  16. The plain flavored gum is immediately shunned by Marines overseas
  17. The ability of the Marines to kick ass and chew gum is threatened and thus they compensate by kicking more ass
  18. Several platoons of Marines kick too many of the wrong asses creating a much more fierce anti-American sentiment in the middle east
  19. As the result, America is invaded and is ill equipped to fend off an invasion with the bulk of the armed forces deployed overseas
  20. The American way of life is under attack and can not be repeled
  21. America is destroyed

Or, for those with a right-winged point of view:

  1. God created the heavens and the earth and everything else in one week, 6,000 years ago (fossils are devices employed by liberals to confuse the righteous, after all)
  2. God obviously hates fags (it on the signs at the funerals so it must be right) and decides to show the US who's boss and sends an embryo shaped hurricane over to destroy the gay section of New Orleans
  3. He missed, drowns the rest of the city
  4. See above, steps 10 through 21

So, through clear, concise, very easy to follow and infallible logic, God is destroying America. Gather your children and head to Independence, MO, Jesus is likely to come walking down that stairway atop the RLDS temple any day now.

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