NEWSFLASH - Americans are [Easily Influenced] Idiots!

I can not believe how simple it appears to be to manipulate the American public. This has been bothering me for a while now, but I have only recently gotten pissed off enough to rant about it.

This has really been occurring for a while, but really came into the forefront during the ol' election season and has been continuing pretty much unchecked since then. I can not believe how easily these issues are started, picked up by the media, and then turned into a frenzy - its worse than a high school rumor about a teacher doing coke with the Superintendent in the boys room off of the mascots ass.

FOR INSTANCE:

The big one that I have been hearing, that just will not go away, is that President Obama is going to take away everyones guns. This has been a very popular battle cry of rednecks and the sort that has reached such frenzied proportions that there is a run on ammo every single time it hits the shelves of Walmarts, gun stores, and sporting good stores across the country. There is a large population of Americans that actually believes that this could actually happen and apparently no one has taken the time to stop and think about the logistics of this actually taking place - amending the US Constitution.

Now, here's the first little problem with the idea that the President is going to be taking away the guns; the President isn't actually involved in the Amendment process. He may suggest to someone in Congress that he wants to abolish the 2nd Amendment, but has no constitutional role in the amendment process. Just for a little bit of a refresher from high school civics class - a constitutional amendment requires a 67% majority vote in both the House and the Senate and the likelihood of this actually happening is just about 0 - and that is just to get the ball rolling. After that point the proposed amendment has to then be ratified by 75% of the states. There is not a chance in hell of this actually taking place - of getting rid of something so ingrained in the history and fabric of the US. So put down your ammo belt, gun nuts, no one is taking away your guns.

I'm pretty sure what started all of this panic was the talk about the ban on assault rifles that was in place for years until W decided that Americans should be able to hunt Sasquatch with an AK. Is there really a need for anyone not in the military to have an assault rifle?

Now that we've addressed that pain in the ass, here are some more pains in my ass that people are being convinced of:

1) Stem Cell research means killing babies - Considering that the vast majority of stem cell research utilizes adult stem cells I'm not sure how this would hurt a fetus. Alternatively, embryonic stem cell research uses embryos that were going to be destroyed anyway. So by all means - get pissed off about research that is hardly occurring that can help to save millions of lives with a consciousness.

2) Universal Health Care means horrible service and crippling taxes - Yes, because all of those other countries that care enough to take care of their citizens are well known for horrible medical service. Who would want such inconvenience of house calls and preventative medicine like they have in Europe? It is much better to keep the system in place that we have know where you have to make an appointment at least 2 weeks in advance and then have to show up 15 minutes early so you can wait around for an additional 45 minutes before the nurse takes you to the exam room where you can wait for an additional 10 minutes in a paper gown before seeing the doctor - that is a much more streamlined system. Not only that, but preventative medicine (which is not covered by your insurance now) is much cheaper on the front end than taking care of a sick patient after shit has gone wrong. Right now we are paying boatloads of money to take care of the people that can't afford insurance who are showing up every day and become a burden on the taxpayers. And on top of that, all of Europe is so strapped for cash because of their taxes that they don't have any expendable income which is why everyone rides bicycles, lives on bread and soup, and dresses in old burlap sacks.

3) W and Cheney prevented another 9/11 style attack because of their wars, interrogation policies, etc. - And this is based on...? This is like saying that I prevented the earth from being destroyed by aliens because I get my groceries bagged in paper. Its easy to claim that you have prevented something from happening because of the single bit of proof that this certain act didn't happen. If these guys were doing such a good job during their watch - how come that shit happened in Madrid in 2004 and in London in 2005? I thought that the whole basis of their argument was "Fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here"? Granted, they didn't actually hit the US but is the difference in location a significant enough difference to make their case? Wouldn't that be like knocking over the same liquor store more than once if they hit the US again?

The moral of the story is that people need to start using their critical thinking skills more when they get fed these ridiculous arguments. I know that its a lot easier to just react and get outraged, but take a breath and actually put some damned thought into it people! You are embarrassing the rest of us!

Hasty Decisions

After what happened this week at Virginia Tech, the common theme that is resonating across all forms of media is gun control. It would appear the everyone is coming out saying that we need stricter gun control, but not many are actually coming up with solutions.

It's not so much that this guy fell through the cracks of the current gun control system, but rather that the gun control and police investigation systems are not designed to find these people. The perpetrator of this incident did not have a criminal record or any previous gun purchases before he started buying only about a month ago; the only thing that separates this guy from the average gun purchaser (through reputable, legal means) is that he is an immigrant with a permanent residency visa.

The fact of the matter is that there is no simple or easy solution. Right now there are probably dozens of different gun control legislation being drafted that will attempt to fill the gaps of the current legislation and while it may be contrary to popular belief, they need to stop. The worst thing that can be done at this point in time is to hastily run to congress with legislation to attempt to plug the gaps in current legislation without knowing exactly what happened. The only thing that will result is a race to congress with inappropriate legislation full of holes that does either does not remedy this situation or it has no chance of passing. This is not something that can be approached with a hot head right after this incident. What will end up happening is you will see bills coming up that are too overzealous and will attempt to create a bunch of restrictions on gun ownership, resulting in the gun nuts and NRA coming out in opposition to it resulting in a flop. The inverse situation will also result by people being overly cautious, just wanting to get something through resulting in the anti-gun nuts coming out and decrying it as not being aggressive enough. Everyone needs to sit back and wait for a couple of months or more for the situation to calm down and let cooler heads prevail.

Additionally, when you look at what we know about the situation so far, there really is no simple answer that will solve this situation. With what we know right now, it can be broken down into two issues:

• An individual was becoming more and more disturbed and signs of what he is potentially capable of were recognized by a teacher that tried to do something about it by reporting it to the police. The problem is that the police can not investigate someone for being potentially dangerous to himself and others in the future.
• An individual with no record and nothing to raise any red flags was able to procure two hand guns over a period of just over a month

There is no simple solution. Unless comprehensive psychological exams, or personal references that can vouch for ones mental stability are required for all gun purchases then the same situation can not be avoided or reduced in the future. A simple waiting period can not be implemented either; the man acquired his armament over a period exceeding a month and clearly was willing to wait to accomplish this incident and clearly did not snap but rather was "simmering" over a long period of time.

All we have that this sort of situation is going to happen are the signals that someone sends out. Purchasing two handguns over a relatively short period of time may be suspicious, or just a sign of someone who is interested in taking up sport shooting. Buying a couple of hundred rounds at once, or even over a month, is not really a flag either since manufacturers will package these types of rounds in boxes of 100 and the purchase of this much ammo can easily be explained as being used for target practice. These are really not signals of an impending rampage. While 100 rounds and several spare magazines can do a tremendous amount of damage in a crowd, the majority of gun owners are not stocking up for a rampage and does not raise any flags.

Unless there is a way for people to report people that they believe to be potentially unstable and harmful to themselves and others then these types of attacks will continue. When a teacher realized that this individual could be potentially dangerous she went to the police; but since he hadn't actually done anything, there was nothing for them to do. Perhaps if someone can investigate suspicious people reported to a hot line or something (1-800-FIN-NUTS perhaps) then these sorts of attacks can be reduced. The problem with this is then that people may start reporting everyone that they don't get along with and are not unstable, slowing down whatever task force that would investigate.

What it all comes down to is that there is no simple solution. Something needs to be done and it needs to appropriate and not so aggressive that it doesn't pass, and not so weak that it does nothing. It needs to be able to impact those that will acquire their firearms through illicit means (black market) but we can not start sending squads of people swarming homes of people that someone thinks has a "crazy eye". This situation needs to be handled with tact and level heads. Emotionally charged legislation will not help anyone by floundering and failing in congress.

Anti-Truth

Lately there has been a trend in reporting from "reputable news sources". I am calling this trend anti-truth reporting. This is basically a method of mis-direction from the truth of the matter.


How this tactic is typically employed is by basing a report around a few select facts, which are independently benign and typically not really news worthy, and then extrapolating the remainder of the report around blind speculation and the lack of any more facts. Now, sometimes the lack of evidence is evidence of something in itself, but presenting a news report based on this tactic is ingenuine and rather unethical.


Now, you may be wondering what I'm talking about and the perfect example of this anti-truth tactic is that recently there was a story of Fox News about a certain Senator Barack Obama. Now, if the report was done in a more genuine, non-fear mongering way that was geared more towards knowing more about the man instead of making people think that he's a terrorist that has infiltrated the Legislative Branch, it might not have been so bad. What happened instead is that someone found out that he attended a Muslim school when he was younger. Now, to a normal, rational individual thats more of an interesting factoid than something to base an entire story about; what ended up happening is that they aired a story containing a lot of speculation and hearsay.


It turns out that when a competitor news network did a little . . . what do you call it? . . . ahh, journalism, they discovered that what is basically amounted to is a parochial school. So, if the school that he attended was a feeder team for the terrorist all-stars then the same logic would apply to a Catholic parochial school being training for an entire new generation of crusaders.

It seems to me that if a "news network" wants to be seen as being "fair and balanced", then they need to take a little bit of effort and do the research it takes to keep them from being embarassed when someone else finds out what they missed. Are these guys horribly understaffed, under funded, or employing a bunch of lazy bastards that think they are still in college (if they actually went) that just turn in BS reports like they did back when they were kegmaster.


Now, if reporting continues to follow this unethical and improper practice of pseduo-reporting the anti-truth instead of doing the proper leg work that is required to disseminate important or factual information to the masses that will allow them to make educated decisions that relate to the safety and stability of the nation, bad decisions will be made and everyone will suffer.

In short, Obama did not go to terrorism school, stem cell research does not kill anyone nor does it clone anyone, and sending 21,000 more troops to Iraq (without the approval of anyone) is a troop surge.

Fauxboes!

An abhorrent trend has been sweeping the nation unchecked for more than 40 years. Fauxboes have been sullying the good names of regular hoboes since the 40's by passing themselves off as actual hoboes.

Of course, not everyone is familiar with the term "fauxbo". A fauxbo will commonly be referred to as a transient, trustafarian, redneck, panhandler, outdoorsman, hippie, tramp, carpet bagger, traveling salesman, migrant worker, crazy, gutter trash, "stranded" person, etc. It is an all too common misconception that is destroying the American way of life and bringing the hobo to the brink of extinction.

You may ask yourself, "Self, how can I tell if someone is really a hobo or just a fauxbo?". In order to clear up all of the confusion, I have provided a simple set of hobo identification guidelines.

1. If the person in question is carrying a bindle then you have a hobo.
2. If the person in question has an afro, dredlocks, or smells of hair gel, pomade, aqua net, mousse, or other styling agents then you do not have a hobo.
3. If the person has facial stubble or a beard with food or other non decorative items lodged in it then you may have a hobo.
4. If the person in question does not have a sanctioned name on this list, then you do not have a hobo.
5. If the individual asks for money, then you do not have a hobo as hoboes only use hobo nickels.
6. If you find hobo symbols in the immediate vicinity, you have have a hobo.
7. If the individual is riding in a boxcar or near rail tracks (and not in or near a rail station), you may have a hobo.
8. If the individual mentions the New Deal or characters in The Grapes of Wrath, you either have a hobo or a pretentious asshole.
9. If the individual will work for food, you do not have a hobo.

The stability of the union depends on everyone doing their part to eradicate the fauxbo menace. These impostors are calumniating the memories of such notable hobo heroes such as Joey Stink-Eye Smiles, Former Secretary of the Treasury Hobo Joe Junkpan, and Nick Nolte.

Further information on the topic of hoboes can be found at e-hobo.com.

God

Yeah that's right, that guy.

The explanation behind it couldn't be simpler. I've even taken the courtesy to outline it in a bulleted list.

Here is how God is destroying America.

1. God created the big bang
2. The big bang created an abundance of Hydrogen, fueling basic nuclear fusion in the earliest stars
3. Once the stars converted most of the hydrogen into heavier atoms, fusion could no longer be sustained and the star exploded, becoming a supernova (or nova or hypernova), expelling these heavier atoms and fueling new stars
4. Eventually enough Helium and Hydrogen collected and created our sun which created our solar system
5. The heavy Hydrogen byproducts, deuterium and tritium combined during the nuclear fusion in our sun to release energy in many wavelengths.
6. The infrared energy released by the sun arrived on Earth at the Equator off the coast of Africa, heating up the surface of the ocean
7. Water temperatures of at least 26.5 °C (80°F) down to a depth of at least 50 m (150 feet) were created. Waters of this temperature caused the overlying atmosphere to be unstable enough to sustain convection and thunderstorms.
8. As the air rised there was a rapid cooling with height. This allowed the release of latent heat, which is the source of energy in a tropical cyclone.
9. The resulting tropical depression made its way across the Atlantic, arriving in the Caribbean and turning into a tropical storm and then a hurricane in the Gulf of America (a.k.a. the Gulf of Mexico, but what have they done with it lately?).
10. When the hurricanes reached the Louisana coast (as Katrina and Wilma) they wreak havoc on the infrastructure of a city built below sea level and not equipped to weather anything approaching a class 3 hurricane.
11. The destruction exacted on the city causes the US government to divert spending (they drug their feet about it, but eventually did) from high priority terrorist targets in Kentucky.
12. The money diverted to New Orleans leaves the nations burbon stills unguarded and tempting targets for burbon-hating terrorists.
13. As the result of such strikes the burbon supply is extinguished thus leaving the nation unable to create mint juleps
14. The resulting mint overstock rots and growers drastically cut back on their production of mint
15. This results in a deficiency of mint with which to create chewing gum
16. The plain flavored gum is immediately shunned by Marines overseas
17. The ability of the Marines to kick ass and chew gum is threatened and thus they compensate by kicking more ass
18. Several platoons of Marines kick too many of the wrong asses creating a much more fierce anti-American sentiment in the middle east
19. As the result, America is invaded and is ill equipped to fend off an invasion with the bulk of the armed forces deployed overseas
20. The American way of life is under attack and can not be repeled
21. America is destroyed

Or, for those with a right-winged point of view:

1. God created the heavens and the earth and everything else in one week, 6,000 years ago (fossils are devices employed by liberals to confuse the righteous, after all)
2. God obviously hates fags (it on the signs at the funerals so it must be right) and decides to show the US who's boss and sends an embryo shaped hurricane over to destroy the gay section of New Orleans
3. He missed, drowns the rest of the city
4. See above, steps 10 through 21

So, through clear, concise, very easy to follow and infallible logic, God is destroying America. Gather your children and head to Independence, MO, Jesus is likely to come walking down that stairway atop the RLDS temple any day now.

The Bullets that Bush is Shooting Himself in the Foot With

Nowadays, it's just not enough for a guy to ignore twice as many laws as all other presidents in history combined. You've got to admit, he's really going the extra mile in order to piss the entire US off. He must be trying to get the lowest approval rating of any president, and if he keeps it up he just might make it. He's damned close as it is (about 31%) compared to Nixon when he resigned (27%). Some of the latest shenanigans just might give him the push he needs to make it big (or little, as it were).

The best part of it is that he couldn't have done it alone. All of his idiot political appointments are really helping out. In case you're confused or in denial, here's a short list of bullets (listed in order of size of metaphorical bullet, as shown in picture above).

1. Can't find Osama worth a damn, may have stopped trying (he's a 50 year old, 6'4" man on dialysis for god sakes!)
2. Allowing for development of logging trails in wilderness areas (Teddy's rolling in his grave)
3. Drilling in ANWR (Teddy's gonna haunt his ass)
4. No Child Left Behind Act (actually left a large number of children behind, even went so far as to make it even worse lately)
5. Ignoring Laws (what a prick!)
6. Torture of POWs (I hear he's a big fan of Rudolf Hoess' work at Auschwitz)
7. Hurricane Katrina (Knew it was coming, knew it was gonna be bad, didn't do shit)
8. Proposed Ammendments to ban gay marriage (It never goes through and yet he keeps on going, quite an election gimmick)
9. Reduced Homeland Security funds to NY and D.C. (Apparently the Empire State building, the Chrysler building, Wall Street, the Brooklyn bridge, the other bridges into Manhattan, the statue of liberty, the Washington monument, the Jefferson memorial, the Lincoln memorial, the Vietnam veterans memorial, the James Garfield memorial, the FDR memorial, the Korean war memorial, the peace monument, the pentagon (still), the white house, the capitol, the treasury, the department of state, two FBI headquarters, the national archives, the bureau of engraving and printing, the smithsonian, the headquarters of the UN, foreign and domestic diplomat housing, and an assload of embassies and consulates don't count as icons or monuments.)
10. Weapons of Mass Destruction and the Iraq War (Still can't find them huh? I thought Rumsfeld knew exactly where they were.)
11. Immigration reform (It's going to take a lot more than all this to make the US unappealing to Mexicans)
12. Domestic Wiretapping (Something tells me that terrorists aren't going to be calling old Mrs. Ferguson down the street and telling her their evil plans.)

That's a lot of bullets to shoot ones self in the foot with.

All metaphors aside, this guy and his lackeys are seriously tearing this country apart.

W!

All right, now he's on the shit list!

Well, actually he has been for a while.

170,000,000 people can't be wrong.

This time, he's gone too far.

To be honest, he's actually been doing it over the course of the past five years. The Boston Globe has reported that W has decided that over 750 laws do not apply to him asserting that he has the power to set aside any statute passed by Congress when it conflicts with his interpretation of the Constitution.

You can do that? If that's the case I think that the statute that keeps me from kicking him square in the nuts is unconstitutional (1st ammendment, baby!).

Seriously, over the past five years, W has been concentrating a lot of governmental power into the White House, siezing some of the law-making powers of Congress and constitution interpretation powers of the courts.

''There is no question that this administration has been involved in a very carefully thought-out, systematic process of expanding presidential power at the expense of the other branches of government. This is really big, very expansive, and very significant."

Just a sampling of the laws he has decided to ignore are:

• Military rules and regulations
• Affirmative-action provisions (I hear that he doesn't like black people)
• That Congress be told about immigration services problems,
• ''Whistle-blower" protections for nuclear regulatory officials
• Safeguards against political interference in federally funded research

Now some would say that being at war affords him the ability to pick and chose what laws he likes. Well, he, far more than any previous president, has been aggressive about his right to ignore massive amounts of laws. This includes ol' FDR who was in office for nearly 4 damned terms, had to fend off enemy attack several times (and I mean actual attacks on US soil), had to deal with the most substantial war of modern time, and battle the most menacing enemy ever faced. Oh yeah, and he had polio and was confined to a wheelchair.

Now, why would ol' W need to sidestep more laws that that guy? The US was actually at war back then (it doesn't count if there are no restrictions on buying aluminum, rubber, and sugar). The war on terror is just an excuse for him to eek out revenge on a personal vendetta (he said it, not me).

Its pretty simple how he's destroying America. He's stepping all over the constitution (I saw him write "except for W" after "We the people"). He's ignoring at least the following Ammendments:

• 1st - Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
• 4th-The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated; and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched and the persons or things to be seized.
• 5th - No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous, crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury. Nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law
• 6th - In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state
• 8th - Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishment inflicted.
• 9th - The enumeration in the Constitution of certain rights shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

I think that's pretty clear.

If you think I'm making this up, check Bush challenges hundreds of laws.

Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, O'Reilly!